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I submitted a rough draft of my final essay. I want to keep the same references, etc.
but correct the issues that my professor pointed out in her critique, which follows:
However, there are areas that you need to be alert to, as noted below: I would like to keep it similar with
just the revisions.
* Do not bold the title.
* Never announce what you will be discussing in the paper, so you never want to say, “This paper aims to explore . . .” Not only that, but the thesis is not persuasive. You need to give your strong, persuasive stance in one sentence at the end of the introduction, similar to what you have as the first sentence of the next paragraph or what you wrote for the Discussion Board exercise this week.
* For the quote in the second paragraph, capitalize the -e on the first word.
* Overall, your paper is too choppy. It’s like playing a piece of music and the musician is playing just the notes with no nuances, etc. So you have to connect your ideas better — make the paper smoother by doing this. Read it aloud to hear the flow from one sentence to the next and from one paragraph to the next. It’s an easy fix and there are many ways to do this: using transitional words and phrases, combining sentences, rewording some sentences, etc.
* Is there a counterargument? You need to address the opposing viewpoint.
* Works Cited: Call it Works Cited, indent, have titles of articles in quotes, watch placement of years and if they belong in parentheses, provide a URL if a source is online, and titles of journals or magazines belong in either italics or underlined. In addition, for the second source, is that the title of the article? If so, it needs to be in quotation marks and you need to provide the title of the journal or magazine that the article was published in. In addition, for any source that has 3 or more authors, such as your last source, only provide the name of the first author (last name, first name) and for the others, use the Latin abbreviation “et al” (not in quotes), meaning “and others.”
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