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When my family decided to emigrate from China to the United States when I was in ninth grade, I was overwhelmed by the sudden change, as if I had been thrown into a completely foreign world. I clearly remember the feeling of unease and loneliness that almost suffocated me the first time I stepped into an American school. The children around me talked in a language I didn’t understand, and I could only sit quietly in the corner, feeling like a transparent person.
Most heartbreakingly, the whole family was estranged from each other. I thought I could take care of each other, but the reality has turned into a situation of avoidance and patience. Parents who send their children to the United States remind me of the baptisms that Christian families give to their young children: it’s a lifelong brainwashing of the mind, and as a child, you can’t take part in any of the speeches.
Both immigrant parents and religious people want to inherit salvation to their children, but the former don’t have to wait until the end of life to reveal it.
Immersing a child in their own culture before they can speak mostly likely guarantees the finished product of adulthood. Handing a child over to the freeing and liberating Western world without being fully immersed in Chinese culture is basically topsy-turvy
I had half a base, after which I wandered into
three very different groups: the Chinese community, the conservative white small
town, and high school open-minded mainstream America.
Thoroughly trying to resolve this identity split, I threw away my Chinese half. But this was the way of my youthful existence. In high school, my friends were all peer gangsters. The consensus was reached through American niche culture, masking the fact that I was born on the other side of the Pacific, and doing more banana than most ABCs.
From my point of view, except for the truly psychopathic, maintaining a chameleon condition is highly consuming for the average person. It’s only when you practice what you preach that you can’t have any fun.
At that time I survived between two mirrors. Any youthful troubles I kept being reflected in the lenses of both cultures. This misty-eyed illusion drowned my self-awareness
I was naturally extroverted, but that growing up, my escape relied on a book
books that teenagers shouldn’t touch early, building a thick mental fortress. (Verbally I could spew flowery words at any time, but not many could see that superficial wisdom was a hidden rant hidden from the lonely heart of a tramp)
Not only did the language barrier make my studies a challenge, it also became a huge hindrance to my ability to communicate with my peers. I was often frustrated by my inability to express myself fluently, and the feeling of being isolated caused me great pain. At the same time, the family’s financial situation was not good. My parents worked late into the night to make ends meet, which made communication and interaction between family members increasingly rare.
What saddens me most is that cracks are beginning to appear in the originally close family relationship. My parents were always busy with work and had little time to care about my studies and life. I began to feel like a burden, confused and helpless about the future. I began to wonder if all this effort and sacrifice was really worth it.
However, just when I was about to give up, I met a teacher who influenced my life, mr.nerio, who not only patiently helped me overcome the language barrier, but also encouraged me to explore and show my talents. Under her guidance, I began to participate in the school’s debate team and writing club, and gradually found my place in the new environment.
I began to realize that although I could not change my past or my family’s financial situation, I could change the future through my own efforts. I began to face life’s challenges with a positive attitude, no longer running away from who I am, but learning to find strength in it. I began to cherish every opportunity to learn and grow, and to constantly improve myself.
By the time I reached 12th grade, I had fully adapted to life here. Instead of being the kid who was afraid to speak up, I had become a confident, outgoing teenager. I achieved remarkable success in both academic and social activities, earning the respect and appreciation of my classmates and teachers. I also began to help and mentor other students going through similar struggles, hoping to bring them hope and encouragement.
I gradually realized that everything I experienced made me stronger and more independent. I learned to find my place in different cultures and use my experiences to inspire others. I am proud of myself for going against the odds and for finding my way out of a difficult situation. The challenges and difficulties along the way have become invaluable lessons on my path to growth.
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