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Ellen, I’m really worried. I came back today. I had CCL and when I came back Miss Doyle was subbing in my room. Peter was outside of the classroom. I said, “Peter what’s going on”. “Oh that substitute teacher, and I’m not listening to her. I’m listening to anybody”. I said,” okay. Calm down. Let’s go in. Let me find out what happened with Miss Doyle”. I said, “I need you to come back into the classroom”. “I’m not going in there. I’m not looking at that woman any more”. So I easily try to kind of coach him. “Come on, let’s come into our room. We can talk about this. Don’t worry about it”. He basically, threw my hand down and he took off. I didn’t know what to do.
>> One of the roles that I serve is to provide the support around either all of classroom management issues or particular issues with particular children. And we often find that kids come to school really with a lot of things that they’re trying to deal with along with learning.
>> I know you know that Peter’s going through a very hard time right now. And if you don’t, I can fill you in on that. But just let me tell you, he was very upset today. And Chuck, did you see him today?
>> I had him the period before. And he wasn’t too much different than what you’re describing. I mean I can imagine he probably did some of the same things. Because, he came in to Math. I mean, and you know what, he actually came in okay. I mean I thought it was going to be a good day because we were going to, we were using the manipulatives today. So we had the blocks and things that we were going to use because we were doing the arrays. And thought this would be perfect. This is something hands-on. He does good with hands-on stuff a lot of times. But something happened halfway into the lesson because he just kind of flung his book across the table onto the floor. Wouldn’t pick it up. I mean we went there and I said,” okay, well maybe I can redirect”. Because you know we talked about the things. Sometimes they need a change of venue. They can’t address the thing that they’ve just done. Try and pick something else that they can focus on to kind of get themselves recentered. So I said, “all right, well maybe if I ask him, Peter would you go ahead and pick up the blocks for your group, that would work”. That was a mistake. The blocks didn’t make it to the table. They made it to the floor.
>> My personal approach when I was a classroom teacher and what I continued, I helped new teachers and seasoned teachers with, is using all of what we know from social learning theory, about what helps children to feel safe and connected to the people who are working with them every day. So it really is a combination of strategies around behavioural structures and then, the interventions and what is at the bottom of the interventions. Making every child feel capable and connected and contributing to their social group which is the classroom.
>> I’m not surprised at that reaction because when I was called upstairs, he was pretty agitated. But I was able to sort of move him a little bit, to speak to him one on one right into his eyes and I said, “you know what. I know that you’re having a hard time right and I really want to help you get through the afternoon. So please, if you would please, walk with me downstairs we can have a conversation and I can help you to get back on track”. I really stopped my conversation at that point. Let him think about what he was saying. Just let him feel the calm hopefully that I brought to the situation. And after a few minutes he moved a couple of inches so I moved with him. I said, “oh great, I’m so glad you’re ready to move downstairs with me. You know, let’s walk. Maybe walking will help you to feel better”. So we eventually did make our way downstairs and halfway down the stairs, I could see that he was crying. So I acknowledged that. And I said, “I see that you’re really, really upset and I’m sorry about that. And if you come with me, I can get you some water and we can talk”. So he did. That sort of broke the momentum of his anger and his feeling frustrated. We came down to my office and I got him some water and shut the door. And he burst out crying. And he said, “you don’t know what it’s like. Nobody knows what it’s like to be me”. And I said, “you know what Peter. You are so right. I really don’t know what it’s like to be you. But can I just tell you something? The people who know what you’re going through, right now, and your teachers in particular, have very big hearts for you. And we understand that this is a very difficult situation that you’re in. We want to help you as much as we can. We can’t go through the same situation for you, but we are here to support you. And I hope that everything we do and say to you every day makes that message very clear to you”. So he really broke down at that point and cried and cried and cried and we talked a little bit about his situation. But I really felt as though acknowledging the fact, that he is really having a difficult time and it impacts his school day and how he relates to his classmates and how he relates to his teachers, was really an acknowledgement, well, thank you for acknowledging it. I know. I really made a…
>> These pieces of information that are related to the student outside of school become important when you want to have dialogue or you want to kind of get to the heart of the matter. And so for me, having been establishing those relationships were really helpful.
>> As I had done some of those things — because I actually said to him. I said, “you know, I can see you’re really having a tough time right now. And you know you’ve had a bad time in this classroom. Maybe you’re having a bad day”. It didn’t seem to help him. It actually seemed to make him more upset and now I’m thinking, because you mentioned that when you took him downstairs to the room and you sat down with him, it was just you and him.
>> Right.
>> And I was talking to him in front of everybody. Maybe that’s part of what was …
>> My philosophy would be that you have the structures in place throughout the whole school, and then you have your own classroom rituals which intersect with and support the school wide rules, and then you have your particular style of connecting with each and every child. Whatever that takes. However long it takes for you to establish that. That these children, yes they are a class of yours, but each of them individually, all have something to contribute to this class. So it’s really more about personal belief and how you connect with children, and then also having the supports and the strategies that social learning tells us helps children to learn in a social way.
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