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I want to convince her about choosing passion instead of financial stability and also this essay should be argumentative
In the essay I have written my teacher told me that: ‘’ It is confusing in the way I have constructed the idea concept of this paper. The topic is the dilemma of passion versus financial stability which means you are either going to choose people who follow a passion and leave alone financial stability. When I see the claim, I don’t get which side you are on and which is your stand because you say to be dedicated to things you have passion for and how successful you can be when you combine these interests, so it’s not about what they should do but it′s about what are you trying to convenience! Which is the one you stand for? Are u standing for passion or are u standing about people following financial stability? This kind of irenic has been followed throughout the paper from the beginning and the end. In the second paragraph, you go and say what should be done to be successful to be financially stable. So, what are you doing are u opposing a stand and why is it better? Or are u giving instructions on how to do it and what to do? It is very confusing which is your line, and which is the path that you are following because most of the paragraphs below are about how to become successful. How to follow your passions How to become financially secure? How can we ensure this financial stability? But the topic is completely different. The claim has nothing to do with what you have written so you make your claim to your body. So, change the claim and adapt your essay and topic to what you have done. And there isn′t any rebottle in this essay. Please make sure you include the rebottle be careful because this isn’t an argumentative paper! This is an instructional paper on how to become successful and how to become financially stable.’’
I want to convince her about choosing passion instead of financial stability and also this essay should be an argumentative essay
My teacher commented these things on my paragraphs avoid short forms
In the beginning paragraph, she criticized: It looks more like a resolution rather than a claim, rephrase it.
‘’Remove the bold and the font should be the same as the rest of the paragraph, you can place the title in italics. ‘’
‘’You cannot just use one source only and cite them for two paragraphs in a row as you are not analyzing the author but of the topic!’’
‘’This paper is about convincing the reader of your stand, not identifying the errors in the system and what should be done!’’
‘’ This paragraph needs rewriting as it shifts the focus; you are here to persuade that one of these alternatives is better, not what should be done to have one format or the other!’’
And the conclusion part is very important also the references detailed in the paragraph
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